America the Great?

     So another day in the life of Trevor. I have been doing a lot of research and talking to different people to make sure that when I wrote this I wouldn't be bashed for false facts. I know this will raise a lot of controversy and even possible negative feelings towards me.

     So America the Great huh? Have you ever thought about how it is so much easier to be poor in this country than to be rich? If you dont believe me then think about the fact that banks now have "over-draft protection". Sounds great doesnt it? Well in fact overdraft protection after fees and charges have been added to you account comes up to over 1000% DUE! So is it really such a good thing to have the protection on your account? Im not saying that the charges happen to everyone, but to those people living in the shoes of someone that has trouble making ends meet in this economy it is a very big deal. To make this a little personal; my boyfriend got pulled over 2 months ago for not having insurance and inspection was out. We had known that both were over due, but he had recently lost his job and I didn't have enough money at the time to pay for the rent of our house the bills and then to get him insurance and inspection. After getting the ticket we found a way to make ends meet and get him some insurance and an inspection, and finally got a court date because the ticket was already over due. He went to court and was told that the ticket for the insurance would be over $400 and the ticket for inspection would be over $300. How do they expect someone that was barely able to even get the $150 insurance and $75 inspection, to ever pay for such a fine. I understand its the law, but without being able to pay the tickets he is looking at jail time. I dont have the money to pay it, he still doesnt have a job to pay it even though he's been looking and applying EVERYWHERE. It is so easy to be poor and fall into the system, according to the Huffington Post {http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/31/working-poor-liquid-asset-poverty_n_1243152.html} more than 40% of American house holds are in danger of filing for bankruptsy at a single crisis, such as a loss of a job in the household, or possibly the pilling up of bills ON TOP of the losing of a job, and just to clear something up for all of those people out there, my boyfriend lost his job because he was out shooting a fucking porn video for all of you! 

     People always say its possible to be anything and anyone and all you have to do is work your hardest and you can achieve everything. Well I'm going to tell you that I am one person that has worked his absolute hardest in life to over come everything that has been set in front of me. My dad and his family didnt want "a faggot for a son". My step dad that my mom was married to for 10 years beat the shit out of me daily. My mom finally divorced from the step dad had no way to make ends meet so I started shooting porn and other illegal activities at age 16 in order to make the money that I could to pay for her mortgage that my ex-step father skillfully left her with. I have worked non stop in a restaurant since the day that I turned 18. I bust my ass 50 hours a week to bring home just enough money to make sure that my boyfriend has a roof over his head and gas in his car to get to his interviews. Just because you work hard and try doesnt mean you are going to make it. For those of you that know the "Facebook" story its all the proof, many people got FUCKED over in the creation of facebook, all except for Mark. He was the only person who still today isnt looking back thinking how much they wish they could change things. Bill Gates started out with Macintosh and stole their ideas in order to make Windows. Dont tell me that you can be anything, because the greatest successes in this country come from the greatest THEFTS, CROOKS!! 

     I dont even know what to do anymore.... I can not provide for him what I need and want to, and yes if someone threw down lets just say $10,000 and said have fun, the whole thing would be spent within a day or two just making sure that the 2 of us were caught up on all of our bills and were out of debt and out of danger of warrants being issued. But obviously that will never happen, so for the time being I guess we just have to hope and pray that somehow something will happen that we will be able to get all of this taken care of and move on to the next obstacle that somehow happens to appear everytime we resolve one. 

Trevor

Just another Day Along this Road

     Ive been feeling more and more down lately and I think that my boyfriend is starting to notice. I cant hide it from him anymore. :( Well thankfully my classes this semester are almost over, just finishing up with one last final tomorrow and then its out for summer BABY! I couldn't be more excited to finally be able to sleep again. Working the new job is going quite wonderfully, not making as much as I would have hoped kinda scares me but Ill find a way to make ends meet.
     Im so excited for the new house that my boyfriend and I move into just next tuesday the 17th!! It's so cute,  3 bedrooms 2bath. :) Ahh I'm so excited. I sure wish that we could have a house warming party because we dont have any furniture or anything and neither of us have the money for it :(
     My work out routines have been looking good. Im up another 7 lbs this month, and actually down another 1.3% body fat. I love my gym, there are 4 hotties that always work out everyday around 1230, haha totally makes weight lifting more enjoyable. Then obviously the showers and steam room after makes it even better getting out of bed to work out daily.

Until Next time :)
Trevor Laster

How about that :)

Hey everyone, sorry that it has taken me so long to put up a new post, I have been really busy with school, work and trying to plan moving this summer.

I can say that my boyfriend and I just signed on our HOUSE TODAY!!! :) Im so excited to finally not only live in a house but to live in a house with the love of my life. Its so cute too... I wish that I could have a house warming party that every one of you loving fans could attend.

The only thing that is kind of unsettling is that my boyfriend keeps getting annoyed that I stress so much about the money portion, haha, I guess I'm just trying to be cautious. Oh well, I should be better once we are finally moved in. Im not gonna lie though, I have been worried about money lately. I dont know, its like no matter how many hours at work I put in I cant make enough to get caught up. Its like when one thing happens 20 other things happen. :( I just wish that I had a pause button that I could win just $5000, thats it. LOL. It would be enough to get all of my bills behind me and not have to worry about paying all of the past off and jus worry about living the life I have now.

My twitter account that I was using for some reason got suspended, and so I have been kinda MIA for a while. Twitter wont give me a reason as to why they suspended my account so I had to just finally create a new one which really sucks because I cant talk to all my loving fans... if you are reading this and haven't followed my new twitter account here it is... www.twitter.com/trevorxxxlaster

I promise I will start writing more and more for all of you loving fans. :)

Just want to clear it up

     Hey guys, sorry that is has been a couple days, Ive heard different feedback from different people over my post and its taken some time to actually sit down and think about things and how I wanted to respond to them.
     Yes, I have had a very hard life, and even though I post about experiences I have lived through its not because I want people to feel bad for me. I dont want the sympathy vote from people. In fact I actually, looking back, love the hard life that I have had to endure. I love the person that I am today, I love how strong I am today and I would not change me for the entire WORLD! If I hadn't lived through what I did, my boyfriend would have never fallen in love with the man that I am today. I know that life gets hard, and people around you can be even harder. Dont ever give up, and dont ever change who you are. Just remember you can choose you family, I know I have. There is nothing you can do about your biological family, but if they dont accept who you are then they aren't real family. The people around you that love you and are there for you for anything, anytime, those are your true family members!
     I also want to touch on something else I know millions of people struggle with, especially people in situations where they feel unwanted. I want to be the first to admit, I turned to substances to try and aid in the pain that I felt. I nearly ruined my life, and almost died in the end of it. People say all the time that drugs/alcohol are not the answer, and for the 4 years of my addiction I would have disagreed just like everyone else stuck in one. Even after losing over 40 pounds, getting to where I was so sick all the time, and doing my drugs daily, I would have denied that I had a problem. 'It was just me having fun'. It wasn't until I went to the clubs one night, got home from the clubs about 7am still blitzed out of my mind, and the next thing I know I'm waking up in a hospital. The doctor came in the room, and when he looked at me I will never forget the look on his face, like he had seen a ghost. The thing that still haunts me to this day, and keeps my sober date building everyday is what he said next, "Son, do you know what day it is?". I said, "of course, its monday the 24." He replied "No son, its Saturday the 29. You have been in a coma for 5 days now. We did not ever expect to have you back. The amount of ecstasy in your system should have killed you."I don't ever want anybody having to go through waking up in a hospital. The only thing that my drug addiction did was prolong the pain that I felt, and even made it harder to deal with in the end, because I was not only dealing with the pain of my life but now I have to deal with the pain of detoxing and learning to cope with my entire life without any sort of substances. I can promise, if you never believe anything that I say, just believe this; I ONLY REGRET THE 4 YEARS OF MY LIFE THAT I MISSED BECAUSE I WAS TOO HIGH TO EVEN KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING THAT ENTIRE TIME. Though, once again it has made me a stronger person, I just dont want anyone to have to hit the rock bottom that I did in order to realize that the 4 people sitting in the hospital room crying when I woke up, were the family that I thought I never had.

You are not alone, you will never be alone, and I beg you to enjoy the sober life. The memories are so much clearer in the end, and you will never have to look back and thank God that you are alive. You never have to see the scared faces of your family, the face that they thought they would have to say goodbye to you forever. They would never be able to go to the movie with you again, never get to call and tell you about their day or come over to give you a hug because you got engaged.

Life may be hard, but dont ever forget you are an amazing person and your life is worth living in sobriety.

Sober days: 2 years. 3 months. 25 days. and climbing :) You can do it too.

Not the Greatest Day

     So today hasn't quite been the best day so far. Woke up with my mind still drowning in sorrows. I dont know why I cant keep my mind off of the negatives sometimes. Its like no matter what I try and do nothing cheers me out of these moods. It all started last night when my boyfriend was acting like I wasnt even there. I had gone to buy some surprise flowers and candles to make our night a nice romantic night on the couch watching a movie before retiring. He ended up coming home over an hour and a half late because apparently he had to be the one to stay back and talk to the owner about everything going on at his gym. I can understand that and it wouldn't have been a big deal at all if he didnt ignore me for the first hour he was home, sitting on his phone. I tried talking to him, hugging him, kissing him, even laying my head in his lap and looking up at him. He didnt even move his eyes away from his phone for half a second and just kept on texting. Finally, I guess he got bored with his phone conversation and asked if I wanted to watch a movie with him. We started it and didnt even get 5 minutes into the movie when his damn dog, which I hate with a passion, pops a squat and takes a shit right there in the middle of the living room in front of us. Since, my boyfriend cant ever discipline the damn thing its left up to me to jump up off the couch and just as I was going to grab his collar he jumped and started running away. Nothing upsets me more about that dog then when he runs, because I'm already pissed . I finally caught up to him and reaching down to grab him he turned and bit me on the hand, tearing skin from my thumb down the side about an inch long. I threw his face into his business and spanked him till my hand hurt, and put him in his cage. As I was cleaning my hand up, my boyfriend, decides this is the time to tell me "its your fault he bit you. If you didnt come at him so aggressively." I couldnt believe it. I have to punish his dog for him because he cant do it, and all of a sudden its my fault that the dog hates me more than him since all he does is baby the damn thing. "He has never bitten me because I'm nice to him", no shit, you dont ever discipline the dog, so of course you wouldnt know if he is capable of biting someone. Furious I decided to go to bed. He finally came to join me, and after having a long talk he understood why I was so upset and apologized.

     Waking up this morning to poop from the dog in the living room, heaven for bid we put him in his cage at night like I said we should do, but of course the boyfriend refuses. So I went in to wake him up and tell him hes got a mess to clean, Im done. I know all of this seems stupid to be upset about, but its been piling up for weeks and when enough is added I cant hold it in anymore. I was let go from my job saturday and Im sure that it has something to do with all of my emotions right now. I went from class this morning to talk with my sponsor, and when I got there the front desk told me she had just left 5 minutes ago. I couldnt help myself, I broke down right then and there. I couldnt stop crying long enough to even see where a kleenex was.

    None of this would be so hard to talk to someone about if I actually had a family to go to. My dad still to this day, 7 years later, chooses his "new" family over "his faggot son", and his mom doesnt "want to go to hell for knowing a queer". On my mom's side, the whole family excommunicated me at the same time. Atleast they didnt give the name calling, just one day stopped answering the phone, and never responded to the voice-mails. As far as mom goes, well after her new husband, threw me through a window for telling him I didnt want to finish what was on my plate. I ended up living on the streets of Dallas, getting really bad into drugs. All I have ever been taught is to deal with my problems by not talking to anyone else. I had no one else to talk to. I always have problems with any relationship I have, friends or boyfriends, waiting for the time that they will walk out on me just as everyone else has. It doesnt help either that my present boyfriend, actually cheated on me real bad just over a year ago, and I decided that I loved him too much not to give him a second chance. . . . . .

     I'm going to head to the gym and see if I can work out this mood. "The night is always darkest before the dawn."

Life keeps on trucking on and I've always thought that I would write a book to try and help someone that has beein going through the same things that I have had to go through. So for the moment I want to pour out my soul in my blog, and maybe in the future this can not only help to write that book but also give people any advice from my experiences.

My life as a gay man has never been easy. My father "didn't want a FAGGOT for a son" leaving me to myself when I was 14. I couldn't go live with my mom because she had re-married an abusive step-father. I have kept so much bottled in for so long and it has just eaten me from the inside out and I am done with the pain. I love who I am today, and I want to better myself every single day that I wake up in the morning and I am doing just that.

My life in the past year has only just began to look as if I am finally coming out of the dark. I can finally live a life and be happy with all that I have. I have the best boyfriend in the world that loves me for everything thing that I have gone through and become. From the very moment that I laid eyes on him, I knew he was the one. This is the man that God put on this Earth for me.

I wont make this all too long to read, but I am going to keep at this as much as I can remember to get on here. Even if no one ever comes to read it, I believe that just typing it to be out there will help me better my self.

For all of those who take the time to read,
Thank You

Trevor :)